Obama Admits That He's A Composite Of Famous Socialists May 3, 2012

WASHINGTON—After admitting that the "New York girlfriend" Obama mentioned in his autobiography was actually a composite, President Obama now admits that he himself is a composite of famous socialists.

"I once referred to myself as a mutt," Obama said at a press conference yesterday. "That wasn't just to identify my mixed race background, but also the fact that I am ideological composite of various socialists."

"Part of me is Lawrence O'Donnell," Obama said, referring to the MSNBC host who admitted that he was a socialist. "I don't care that Politifact rated his Lean Forward ad as 'mostly false'. Socialists have the privilege of being right even when they're wrong because they mean well."

At this statement, most mainstream media journalists at the press conference nodded in agreement.

"Another part of me is Bernie Sanders," Obama continued. "He's the only formal socialist in Congress. And I admire him because he actually campagins as a socialist, instead of pretending not to be a socialist like most Democrats do when they campaign."

"And there definitely is a 'God Damn America' part of me that I inherited from my former pastor, Jeremiah Wright. I find that phrase fits perfectly with my vision of a socialist United States."

Most of the mainstream media journalists seemed to be happy to hear this.

"And there's a significant portion of the 'Occupy' movement in me," Obama continued. "I wish I could wear a Guy Fawkes mask every time I hold a press conference."

"And certainly, Bill Ayers is part of me as well. I mean, who could have a problem with a guy who once headed a group called 'The Jesse James Gang'? I love the idea of using violence to bring about social change!"

At this statement, most of the mainstream journalists in the room said, "Amen."

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