BREAKING: Guy Who Licked Gary Bauer's Doorknob Thinks The Bible Is Uncool April 29, 2012

By now the whole right-wing blogosphere knows about Dan Savage's anti-Bible rant to group of high school students.

What the blogs seem to omitting, however is some of Dan Savage's, shall we say, colorful history.

Since we happen to be familiar with his background, we'll happily fill you in.

For starters, Yes, the title is accurate. Dan Savage licked Gary Bauer's doorknob.

This was back during the Republican Presidential primary in the Year of our Lord 2000. Oops. Is calling it "The Year of our Lord" offensive to Dan Savage?

But to press on. Gary Bauer was then running for Prez. As a Republican. Because he's cool like that.

And, as many conservative activists know, Gary Bauer believes in this thing called "morality". That is to say, that sex should be practiced within certain boundaries. You know, to avoid social problems like diseases, unwanted pregnancies, guilt complexes, etc.

Well, Dan Savage doesn't like Gary Bauer for that reason. Mainly because Dan Savage likes to perv with other guys.

So he licked Gary Bauer's doorknobs.

Because he's uncool like that.

Savage, while sick with the flu, had a plan: Volunteer for the Bauer campaign and then go, and we're quoting here, "from doorknob to doorknob" and lick those doorknobs so that he could infect Gary Bauer's staff with the flu.

And he did it. Licking the doorknobs, anyway. We're not sure if anyone got infected.

Cool person to invite to speak to a bunch of high school students, huh?

Oh, yeah. He wished out loud that all Congressional Republicans were "f**king dead".

Cool person to invite to speak to a bunch of high school students, huh?

But it also begs the question: Why is it that people who hate the Bible love Democrats?

That was rhetorical, actually.

---